Won't Be Gullible Again

It’s April 17, 2008 and I’ve been in a bad mood most of the week, So much so that I don’t care to talk to anyone. I’m sure learned a valuable lesson for sure. I don’t care how kind hearted one can be there is always someone out there who will try to take advantage of you or lead you on. I’ve always known we’ve had issue in the gay community and one of the reasons why I started the publication. Once I get over this mood swing I’m in I will get back on track and not allow myself to drop my guard as I have in the past.

Sunday would have really been a great day for me especially after all that’s happen in the last three months. This year just doesn’t seem to be going well for me at all and I’m ready to fast forward to 2009 for sure. For those who don’t know I’m leaving on a cruise Sunday evening and originally invited someone to go with me but he wasn’t going to make it so I ended up asking someone else as a back up. Good thing was he wouldn’t have to pay for any of it except for half the airfare. Here we are a week before we are to take off and he tells me he’s not going to be able to make it, so all can imagine that I’m bummed about now. Not so much that I won’t get on the boat and try to have a good time, but that I will loose some money in the process. See if it was a vacation and airfare I could have gotten that back but when it comes to a cruise, well you can’t get those funds back at all especially so close to departure. Plus I can’t find anyone to go with me under a week. I’m not rich by all means but I could have used those funds elsewhere for sure. I want talk ill of the person but I feel my trust factor towards this person has been shattered.

I’m not going to post anything of my true feeling as I won’t belittle myself like that. I’m a much better person than that. Do nice guys finish last well we’ll see. This I can say, the next time someone is invited to go on a trip I will make sure they pay their way. Right now I guess my pride is hurt. Oh well it to shall pass. Well that’s about it for now so until fingers meet keys.

It's Been A Long Time.

Well from the looks of this it’s been a while since I’ve written in there. I’ve been depressed most of the week and I can’t explain it but I just don’t feel like doing shit these days. Two months after my nephews death and I’m much better but I still have my moments. I have to tell you I don’t care for this grieving stuff at all. I know we all have to go through it but it really hurts when it’s a love one. I guess I never really had to experience these emotions in a while. I’m driving his vehicle now since the pickup has a cracked radiator. I have to say I love paying thirty five dollars to fill up instead of that sixty to seventy. Hell I got a raise! Although I’m reminded every time I get in the vehicle of him. I don’t have many adult memories of him as he was always on the go but do have a lot of him from his child hood.

Good news I’m going on a seven day cruise next weekend. I’m really looking forward to that. However got word that the person I’m suppose to go with is sick so it’s and iffy situation rather he makes it or not. However it’s too late to get money back now so I’m going regardless. It would be nice to have someone to share in the moment but we’ll see. I will keep up hope that he can make it. Then again it won’t be the first time I was stood up. My friend Ron will be coming into the night before as he will be passing through town. It will be nice to catch up and see him again.

My best friend Steve, what can I say about him? He’s really having a hard time since the passing of his mother. He stopped by today and is now sporting a beard. Kind of nice as it’s still in the developing stages. He’s going through a phase on rather he wants to be straight or gay. The woman he asked to marry him years ago and he caught cheating on him is back in his life and he says when he’s with her he’s all jittery and things but don’t care to have sex with her. When I open the door and to my surprise found him standing there I had to check him to see if he has a ring on his finger as I hadn’t heard from him in a while. However he tells me today that they made out but no actual sex so he says. However I know its coming and he’s starting to feel that way. It’s sad though as he says he likes dating woman but rather fuck a man. So someone really tell me what’s going on. However I don’t have to worry about it as he’s not fucking me or playing with my emotions. I really think all this is going on because he’s mourning the death of his mother this year. She doesn’t trust him when he’s talking to men as she things he’s setting up a date or something. Oh yes she knows about his sexual escapades. It’s just to long a story to write about here but it’s getting interesting. Bad part about it is I’m loosing a friend as he’s getting closer to her. I would call and he’s on the phone with her and says he will call back but I don’t. So oh well. I’m prepared to move on but I’ll be there for him when the bottom falls out.

Weekend not much going on. I will be visiting my ex as I won’t be able to the next two weeks. He will be happy to see me as his family doesn’t give a dame about him. None of them have written or been to visit him. I know if it was my family they would make time to come visit or something. I just feel sorry for the guy but I do give him hope to keep going and living as well. He comes from such a dysfunctional family so it’s no wonder. Still it’s time to make a change so maybe this will be his time to make that change. Well that’s it for now so until fingers meet keys.